You Need to Have a Goal if You Want to Score!
How to Help Kids Set and Achieve Their Goals
Goals give kids more than achievements—they help them believe in themselves. Goal setting teaches them how to focus on possibilities, how to take action toward their dreams, and how to build resilience when things don’t go as planned. When we guide children to dream big, break goals into steps, and celebrate progress, we show them that they have the power to create the future they imagine.
Why Goal Setting Is Important for Kids
Just like you can’t hit a target you can’t see, kids can’t score if they don’t have a goal. Goals give children direction. They show them where to go and help them stay focused along the way.
By instilling the habit of goal-setting early, we nurture a sense of purpose in our children. It teaches them to be future-focused—to think about what they want to achieve instead of dwelling on limitations. Setting goals can also be fun because kids get to dream about what they’d like to accomplish or experience.
But here’s the truth: while it’s easy to set a goal, it’s much harder to put a system in place to achieve it. That’s why it’s so important to understand the difference between end goals and process goals.
End Goals vs. Process Goals
There are two kinds of goals kids can set:
End Goals → the outcome or dream they want to achieve.
Process Goals → the habits and actions that move them toward that outcome.
Some might argue that you should focus on one or the other. But the truth is—kids need both. End goals give them something to reach for, and process goals give them the fuel to get there.
I like to think of it this way:
End goals are like the destination you type into your car’s GPS.
Process goals are like the turns you take and the fuel in the tank that gets you there.
Kids understand this. They’ve seen you use GPS when driving—they know that you need both the end destination and the step-by-step path. First, you set your destination, and then you follow the steps to get you there.
Process Goals and Personal Identity
Process goals don’t just move kids toward their end goals—they also shape how they see themselves. When children stick to their habits long enough, those habits become part of their identity.
This is where the 3 C’s come in:
Courage gives kids the push to take the first step, even if it feels scary or uncertain.
Confidence grows with each repetition, as they prove to themselves that they can follow through.
Character is the lasting change. Over time, process goals build a new sense of self.
For example, my daughter recently started running every day. At first, it was just a habit she was trying out. But after a while, something shifted. She didn’t just run—she started to see herself as a runner. Her identity changed because of the courage to begin and the confidence she built through daily practice. Then she set an end goal - run a half-marathon. But it is the process goals, and the identity that she formed as a result, that will get her there.
This is one of the most powerful outcomes of goal setting: kids don’t just achieve goals—they become someone new in the process.
Examples of End Goals
Get an A on the next math test.
Finish reading 10 chapter books by summer.
Run a full mile without stopping.
Learn to swim across the pool.
Give a class presentation without freezing up.
Learn to play one full song on the piano.
Sleep in their own bed all night for a week.
Examples of Process Goals
Practice multiplication tables five minutes a day.
Complete homework before dinner each night.
Try one new fruit or vegetable each week.
Jog three times per week, adding distance gradually.
Say “hi” to one new classmate each day.
Save a portion of allowance each week.
End Goals vs. Process Goals in Action
Here is a chart to show you how Process Goals support End Goals:
You can have multiple process goals that support one end goal. But it is probably best to have your child focus on one end goal at a time.
Kid-Friendly Metaphors
Kids learn best through images and stories. Here are two they’ll understand:
The Treasure Hunt: End goals are the treasure chest at the end of the map—the big prize you’re aiming for. Process goals are the steps along the path—following the trail, solving clues, crossing bridges. Without the treasure, the journey has no excitement. Without the steps, you’ll never get there.
The GPS: Setting goals is like setting the GPS in the car. If you decide you don’t like the destination, you can always re-route. Sometimes you’ll hit detours, but you don’t turn back home—you adjust the path and keep going.
Plan for Obstacles
Let’s face it, obstacles are part of every journey toward a goal. Kids need to know this upfront so they don’t get discouraged when something goes wrong.
It is helpful to use real-life examples: when a road is closed, you don’t turn around and go home—you take a different route. Goals work the same way.
Encourage kids to brainstorm obstacles in advance and come up with If/Then strategies. For example:
Goal: Practice soccer after school three times a week.
Obstacle: It rains, and the field is closed.
If/Then Strategy: If I can’t practice outside, then I will practice dribbling in the basement for 10 minutes instead.
You can use the Power Plan worksheet to help them work through their obstacles.
Obstacles don’t have to derail them—they can be opportunities to build problem-solving skills.
8 Steps to Helping Kids Set and Achieve Their Goals
1. Set Attainable Goals
Dreaming big is wonderful, but kids need realistic, achievable goals to build confidence. For example, wanting to become an NBA player may be inspiring, but “making the school basketball team” is more achievable right now.
2. Define Clear Objectives
Vague goals like “get better at sports” are hard to measure. Clear goals give kids focus and direction:
Make 10 free throws in a row.
Run a 7-minute mile.
Swim across the pool.
While end goals give kids something to aim for, there are times when focusing only on process goals is enough. Here’s another example from my own family.
My son recently started working out and eating healthy. He follows a specific workout routine each day and sticks to a healthy diet. What’s interesting is that he didn’t set a specific end goal like “lose 10 pounds” or “run a race.” Instead, his focus has been on the process goals—daily habits that lead to long-term health.
It’s a great reminder that sometimes the process is the goal, and building consistent habits can be just as powerful as chasing a big milestone.
3. Align Goals with Interests and Passions
Kids are more motivated when goals connect to what excites them. Help them identify passions by:
Noticing what lights them up: When do they lose track of time?
Giving them a buffet of experiences: Sports, art, science, volunteering—let them taste-test by exposing them to different experiences.
Asking better questions: “What makes you feel proud?” “What problem would you like to solve?”
Looking for play themes: Are they builders, storytellers, helpers?
And remind them—it’s okay if passions change. Part of growing is exploring.
4. Visualize Success
Encourage kids to imagine themselves achieving their goals. Vision boards, pictures, or simple mental rehearsals help them see their Future Self and believe the goal is possible.
5. Develop Action Plans (Process Goals)
Teach kids to break big goals into smaller, actionable steps. A habit tracker can make progress visible and rewarding.
6. Plan for Obstacles
Brainstorm possible obstacles ahead of time so that your child stays on course. Make If/Then plans so obstacles become detours, not dead ends.
7. Embrace Setbacks
Goal setting involves ups and downs, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. Setbacks aren’t failures—they’re learning opportunities. Teaching kids to reframe setbacks builds resilience and a growth mindset.
8. Celebrate Milestones
Every step forward deserves recognition. There are many ways that you can acknowledge their progress, but the most important thing is that they see their progress and feel a sense of accomplishment. This will inspire them to keep going (and to set new goals!)
Final Thought
Goal setting isn’t just about reaching a finish line—it’s about who kids become along the way. Each goal they set and work toward builds courage, confidence, and character. By teaching children how to set end goals, follow through with process goals, overcome obstacles, and celebrate their progress, we’re giving them a gift they’ll carry for life: the belief that they can shape their own future.
Challenge: Help your child set a goal:
Choose an End Goal – Pick something exciting you want to achieve (your “treasure chest”). Example: Finish reading one book this month.
Pick a Process Goal – Decide on one step you’ll do regularly to get there (your “steps on the map”). Example: Read for 15 minutes before bed each night.
Write It Down – Put your goals somewhere you can see them every day. Example: write it on a post-it note. (Or if your child can’t read, draw or print a picture of a book as a reminder).
Celebrate – When you reach your end goal, celebrate your success! Then choose a new goal and start again.
Remember: Every big achievement starts with a small step. What’s the first step you’ll take today?